Oh the Humanity! How to Reclaim Your Power After a Hard Chapter on the Buy-Side
Updated: 3 days ago
The buy-side is full of incredible people doing extraordinary work but it’s also a space that demands a lot. Long hours, high expectations, questionable work cultures and constant pressure that can make even the most ambitious professionals question their balance, their health, and sometimes, their worth.
And while we often celebrate grit and resilience, we rarely talk about what happens when being human collides with that expectation.
Let’s get one thing straight first: not all buy-side firms operate this way. There are plenty of firms doing it right — places where people are supported, not squeezed; where culture and performance coexist.
How do I know? Because those are the only firms I work with.
I can rattle off a list of clients where there’s both healthy culture and strong deal flow — and it’s no coincidence that many of them are diverse-founded, diverse-led, or deeply committed to representation. It shows. The returns are still there...the humanity just isn’t missing.
But not every story sounds like that..
The uncomfortable truth
What if someone told you that taking time to recover from a serious medical injury might make you look like “damaged goods”?
Or that walking away from a toxic role — one that was playing major mind games with you — could be seen as a career risk, even years into your journey?
This week I spoke with John and Jane — two fantastic buy-side professionals from different firms, different cities, and different backgrounds — yet united by one theme: they both had deeply human experiences that were treated like liabilities.
Both love what they do and are good performers. Both did everything “right.” And both were told, either directly or indirectly, that their need to pause, heal, or realign somehow made them less committed.
Sadly, their stories aren’t unique. They’re shared by far too many professionals who’ve been made to feel defeated, second-guessed, or guilty for prioritizing their well-being.
As someone who’s spent years working recruiting for the buy-side, I’ve heard this story in countless forms. The industry loves to talk about grit and resilience but what it often rewards is endurance at any cost. The quiet expectation? Don’t break. Don’t slow down. Don’t show cracks. Just perform.
And when the human cost becomes visible — when someone needs space, care, or recovery — they’re quietly labeled “a risk.” Sometimes quietly and sometimes not so quietly.
If you ask me, that’s not resilience. That’s fear disguised as culture.
So, how do you navigate that and still come out stronger?
Here’s the guidance I gave John and Jane and what I tell any candidate who’s rebuilding after a hard chapter:
Own your story.
You don’t owe anyone the intimate details of your health or private life but you do owe yourself the narrative.
When you’ve left a firm for reasons that are hard to explain — a medical situation, a toxic culture, or simply misalignment — it’s easy to carry that weight forward. You start questioning how much to reveal, what to protect, and how to make it “sound right.”
That’s where insecurity sneaks in. And when it does, it often shows up in the interview process — in the tone, in the hesitation, in the overexplaining. Sometimes we end up projecting the judgment we’re most afraid of. The truth is, you can be honest without being exposed, and diplomatic without being dishonest. You don’t need to justify or defend your decision, you just need to own it. When you talk about your experience, lead with purpose:
Why you chose the buy-side.
What continues to drive you.
How that period sharpened your judgment, empathy, and leadership.
Your story doesn’t have to sound perfect but it does need to be authentic. Firms that can’t understand your decision process are likely the ones where you won’t grow long term.
Reframe the “flaw.”
It’s time to flip the lens. Those so-called hiccups in your career — a short stint, a pivot, a career break — don’t need to be sources of embarrassment or hesitation. They’re not flaws to explain away. They’re data points that reveal something far more powerful: your judgment, your adaptability, and your commitment to growth.
Each transition tells a story. So, when you’re asked about that chapter, discuss it as an intentional choice, not a detour. Anchor your answer in your why: why you made the decision, what you learned, and how it sharpened your sense of where and how you do your best work.
In many ways, you’re seeking your own personal alpha. And the firms worth joining will see that as a strength, not a risk.
Filter the feedback.
Remember, not everyone’s advice deserves equal weight. If someone comes from a culture that glorifies behaviors or environments that don’t align with your values, their lens is limited. They may mean well, but their definition of “success” might not match the life or leadership style you’re building.
And if your mentor or trusted senior — who very likely does have your best interests at heart — still works at the firm you left, take their advice with perspective. Their reality is shaped by the system they’re still in.
Also seek out leaders who’ve built, or contributed to, brave cultures — places where people are treated as assets, not transactions. Their insight will help you recalibrate.
Surround yourself with people whose example you’d be proud to follow.
Remember your power.
Ownership is a word that gets thrown around constantly in this space.
Ownership of the model.
Ownership of the deal.
Ownership of outcomes.
But before you can own any of that, you have to own yourself—your path, your story, your boundaries, and your peace. Because no model works if you do not. And no amount of deal success will ever make up for a life built on burnout.
Real ownership is about taking responsibility for your trajectory. And it bottles down to knowing what you’ll tolerate, what you won’t, and what you stand for.
And yes, resilience matters but not in the way this industry often defines it. Resilience isn’t about surviving toxicity or proving how much you can endure in order to get stronger. Resilience is refusing to apologize for being human, turning that humanity into your competitive edge, and having the courage to seek something better.
Back to John and Jane
I can’t undo what they experienced or single handedly fix an industry, but I can remind them — and anyone reading — that there are firms doing it differently.
The buy-side can be an incredible community when you find the right corner of it. Find your tribe, protect your energy, and keep going. And remember...always be seeking alpha.
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